Cascade Crew

[chevymad]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."


The Three Worst Chinese Tortures

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time a starving man named Harry Enis was walking in the middle of a Chinese forest when he stumbled upon a huge mansion. It was close to nightfall and he had no where to stay, no food, and nothing to make camp; so he walked up to the mansion and rang the doorbell. A very ancient man with a long beard brushing the floor answered the loud, clanging gong. Harry begged for a place of shelter, and the old man pittied him and let him stay. At dinner the old man introduced Harry to his daughter, Naomi(i moan backwards). She was the meaning of beauty, and Harry instantly fell for her - mostly because he hadn't done it in a while, due to his disposition of starving and homeless in a forest. - ANYWAY - The old man saw Harry eyeing his daughter and said to him, "If you touch my daughter, I will subject to you the three worst Chinese tortures."


That night Harry snuck out of his room and into Naomi's. Having been cooped up in this old mansion for so long, she had no objections.


In the morning he woke up, and after 10 minutes decided that something heavy was on his chest stopping him from breathing properly. He opened his eyes to find a 50 kilo rock on his chest with sign on it that said "First Chinese Torture: 50 kilo rock on chest." Thinking that it wasn't that heavy he picked it up and threw it out the window. As the rock fell out the window he noticed a sign on the bottom that said "Second Chinese Torture: Rock tied to right testicle." In a panic he jumped out the window, what man wouldn't? Unfortunately he looked up and saw the sign on the bottom of the window sill "Third Chinese Torture: left testicle tied to bed post."


New refrigerator....




Christmas Tequilla Cookies Recipe

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Tis the season for Holiday cooking...here's one of my FAVORITE recipes.....


TEQUILA COOKIES

1 cup of dark brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup of granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila(silver or gold,as desired)


Sample the Cuervo to check quality.

Take a large bowl, sample the Cuervo again to be sure it is of the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric
mixer...beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon
of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another
cup, just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor...

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry
it
loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.

Check the Jose Cuervo.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a
spoon of sugar, or somefink...whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, Take the dang cookies out right before they catch fire. If they do, feed-em to the freakin cat..always hated that dang shed mobile.

FINISH the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

[Twilightoptics]

LMAO B was bored! Heard the Chinese torture tests before. What a great one!

[Schultzy89GTA]

How's that vacation going buddy, making lots of cookies?

I liked all of it except the part where you almost endorsed the consumption of Jose Cuervo. oh, and the berry danglin'. That sounded kinda harsh too.



-Schultzy